Having told this tale a few times I decided it was best to write down some of what I have been up to lately. I was sick last week and I am still somewhat under the weather today. All of which is leading to some changes in my life.

Let’s start with a question. Do auditors give you heartburn? I work a lot with auditors that want to inspect our computer systems and test the way my customers process data. So much so that my boss recommended I take the test to be a Certified Information Systems Auditor (CISA). I signed up for a class and a week ago Saturday I ate one of the free sandwiches (mistake number one). I began to feel heartburn. Now I have been under a lot of stress lately so this was a fairly common feeling and I ignored it. I finished up the class that day and went for a run that night – but I just could not stay with the pace I had planned.

Sunday I was distressed, but made it to church, studied, went for a bicycle ride and felt lousy. Later that night my stomach and intestines became seriously inflamed. Food poisoning tends to last twenty-four hours. I reasoned – which was mistake number two – that this would pass in a few more hours.

Monday morning I was in serious trouble and knew I needed medical attention. But for several weeks I have been arguing with my contract agency – Administaff – about my insurance. My HR representative informed me that Administaff is far to big a company to annoy over things like whether or not I have insurance coverage. This had angered me – mistake number three. Now I fixated on this. I needed a doctor and I did not have an insurance card. I needed my insurance identity number now. I should have called someone and gone to the hospital first thing Monday morning. Instead – mistake four – I kept getting weaker, thinking less clearly and I foolishly focused on my insurance identity.

I knew that I had to keep my fluid and electrolyte levels in balance. I have a lot of experience at miscalculating those levels during long bicycle rides and paying the price. I have overheated, over-hydrated, dehydrated and otherwise fouled things up multiple times when I have been dozens of miles from anyplace. (Arizona has a lot of no-place with only a few some-places scattered here and there.) I have learned from those experiences – because otherwise I would not have lived long enough to be the serious predicament I was now in. But as I tried to get to the kitchen or bathroom I kept blacking out. I would wake up in the strangest positions and wonder how I got there and why various parts of my body were either bleeding or throbbing. Ah, I reasoned, all will be well once my get-out-of-sick card arrives from the insurance company.

Bizarrely I kept an email dialog with people at work using my cell phone. Never did it dawn on me that I could just as easily send an email and ask for help as to respond to emails asking for status on projects. All I needed to do was keep myself together until my magic insurance card arrived.

Tuesday I was in a lot of pain as this bacteria was eating my intestines.

Wednesday I had one of those rare moments when I was awake, alert and felt like I could take a chance on driving. I got to the emergency room and got antibiotics. The hospital gladly billed my credit card. Then onto the pharmacy. After realizing they were in for a fight they could not win the pharmacy agreed to sell me antibiotics even though I was not worthy enough to hold an insurance card.

I had lost nine pounds by this point, but within a couple hours the pain in my stomach had abated enough that I could sleep. I slept nearly all day Thursday. On Friday morning the pain became intense as if a layer of skin was being pealed off my intestines. Friday afternoon I ate soup. At last, nutrition was in vogue.

I am now on a leave of absence to regroup.

My life has been intense for many years. Saturday I went through a pile of books, magazines and mail on my bookshelf. At the bottom was a replica newspaper from Tombstone Arizona dated February 1999. That was the last time I took a long weekend to do something fun. My life has been one crises after another for six years. Saturday I finally finished reading that newspaper and filed it away as a reminder.

Sunday I hung a valance in my apartment living room. I have wanted to do that for over four years.

Monday I found the bike trail connections to get from my apartment to the ocean. I have been searching for the elusive southwest passageway for over three years. All it took was a few minutes of reading the signs. It was especially helpful when I paid attention to the sign that said “slow down”.

And finally the pain in my lower intestine stopped. Suddenly food is a joy and not an obligation. So for dinner I created a masterpiece. 3 inch circle of beans, topped with a smaller circle of pureed spinach. Add a layer of cheese carefully placed so the beans and spinach are clearly visible. Microwave on high for 1:30 to soften the cheese. Top with a small scoop of rice. It looks beautiful, it tastes great and it has all sorts of nutrition.

While I am not eating as much as I used to, I crave everything. I went to the grocery store to buy a jar of peanut butter and spent $56. Lots of stuff just fell into my basket.

On Tuesday I finally completed a quest I have had since 1995. I used to work just off Imperial Highway and the 91 freeway. There is a beautiful recreational trail that runs along the Santa Ana river behind that office. I have had it in mind since 1995 to either walk, run or bicycle that trail to the ocean. Today I finally did it. Fifty miles round trip from my apartment and more than half that mileage is on trails. It is so much more peaceful not dodging cars. Today I was able to focus on the ride, the scenery, being outdoors and on the experience. That trail was all the more beautiful because I waited for the time when I truly valued the experience.

I will need to make up the time I lost in studying for the CISA test. The test date does not move even if I dropped out of class. But I am going to take time to also get caught up on some of the other highlights that I have postponed for too long. I will keep on doing the same work because that is a vital part of my life. But I am going to work equally hard at balancing my time and my life. To do that I will need to work a lot smarter and say “no” a lot more often. It is nice to have a new outlook on life.

Your friend,
Robert Perrine