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Somewhere in the night on May 2, 2003 I decided to argue with God. I complained that I had been cheated. My non-believing friends have far more fun than I do. They have more money, more friends, more leisure. My conscious and my relationship with Jesus hold me back when opportunities arise. So I complained into the night.
I complain a lot. God is always silent and waits for me to finish. But this time I was adamant. I wanted to know what it would be like if I chose the other path. The Holy Spirit obliged. Suddenly I felt cold. I’ve watched the sun go down and realized I was bicycling in summer clothes while the thermometer was below freezing and still dropping – but this was colder. I’ve spent a sleepless night sitting on my skis in the snow – but this was colder. I’ve slept in my car when I had no home – but this was colder. I kept thinking back, further and further back. Then I remembered. I remembered how cold I had felt on a summer day when I first prayed to accept Jesus. And I realized that this was the cold that I now felt. And I was alone. Now I’ve lived alone several times in my life, but there are always neighbors. That very afternoon I had complained about the noise that my neighbor was making in the apartment above me. I knew he was still there, but I was too alone. I realized that this was how alone I was before I invited Jesus to send his spirit into my life. I realized that this was what it meant to chose the other path. Choosing the other path means asking the Holy Spirit to leave and not come back. It means not having Jesus there to comfort you. It means not having God there to listen when I complain. This price is too high. And the warmth returned. Thank you God for granting what I asked for. Please God, don’t do that again. Robert Perrine
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