List the nine coping styles
Explain that this is intended to be brief
List the nine helping styles
Introduce the topic
Who lived like this? Viktor Frankl: and people you know
What is it like to be here? Neither love nor hate, no immediate threats, at one
Why do we want to be here? Desire peace
How do we get here? Prayer, meditation or learn to live like this
How do we deal with conflict? Smoothing: which can be a trap
Who lived like this? Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. and people you know
What is it like to be here? Neither love nor hate, yet a need to change
Why do we want to be here? Recognize the need to change
How do we get here? Neutral emotions while focusing on the gap
How do we deal with conflict? Confront the problem
Why transit between here and Tranquility? Recuperate
Who lived like this? Richard Nixon: and people you know
What is it like to be here? Antagonism and deaf to others needs
Why do we want to be here? Think we can change the other person
How do we get here? Antagonism while ignoring the pain
How do we deal with conflict? Coercion
Why transit between here and Tranquility? Revenge: until we tire of it all
Who lived like this? Bill W.: and people you know
What is it like to be here? Antagonism and aware of how bad it is
Why do we want to be here? Trapped and think conflict is only way out
How do we get here? Antagonism when we can no longer ignore the pain
How do we deal with conflict? We dont
Why transit between here and Tranquility? Surrender, believe: steps 1,2,3
Who lived like this? Paul the Apostle: and people you know
What is it like to be here? Conflict and pain
Why do we want to be here? Often become submissive to survive
How do we get here? Imposed on us or something we learned when young
How do we deal with conflict? Passive or passive-aggressive
Why transit between here and Tranquility? Rise above it all like Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Mahatma Gandhi, Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., Paul, Jeanne dArc and Nelson Mandela.
Who lived like this? Mother of a new born: and people you know
What is it like to be here? Love and pain
Why do we want to be here? To protect someone else
How do we get here? Imposed on us or something we learned when young
How do we deal with conflict? Passive or passive-aggressive
Why transit between here and Tranquility? Detachment
Who lived like this? Passengers on the Titanic
What is it like to be here? Whitehead anesthetized, Marx opium
Why do we want to be here? Safe. Like people watching Jews taken away. Or like people aware of lynching. Like people watching gangs take over their neighborhood.
How do we get here? Fear of getting involved, but not in love or hate
How do we deal with conflict? Avoidance
Why transit between here and Tranquility? To make things better
Who lived like this? Trophy wife
What is it like to be here? Golden handcuffs
Why do we want to be here? Exchange physical well being for emotional pain.
How do we get here? Love that is empty
How do we deal with conflict? Ignored
Why transit between here and Tranquility? Tranquility then transformation
Who lived like this? Moses
What is it like to be here? True peace
Why do we want to be here? Unity, social creatures
How do we get here?
· Moses Conflict over golden calf, chaos, tranquility, transformation, aligned (TTA: Tranquil-Transformed-Aligned)
· Buddha Pampered, inner conflict, TTA
· St. Francis Distracted, TTA
· Martin Luther King, Jr. Subjugated, inner conflict, TTA
· Religions When viewed externally, seems obligated, but leads to TTA
· Jesus -- TTA
How do we deal with conflict? Discipleship: contrast with the other styles
Why transit between here and Tranquility This is where we belong
Overview
Studied organizational psychology, team formation theory, conflict resolution styles and management styles.
Many opinions, many structures, difficult to explain the pattern.
Studied biographies of historical figures to see how they lived their lives. Found that most turned to their religious foundation to explain the purpose for life.
I used the Christian Bible and found a way to put the organizational psychology pattern into a graphical representation. But this presupposes you understand the religion that I follow.
Then I found that psychology has a way to explain this same pattern. Science is today a relatively neutral form of religion. Latin was used hundreds of years ago so that people in England could communicate with people in Germany. Today science is the language that allows Christians to talk with the people that follow other discipleships.
In this next section I will use my understanding of three schools of psychology to explain why there are nine coping styles.
Master Viktor Frankl
Key concept We interpret our experiences and create our response
Application We can choose tranquility even in the most oppressive existence
Coping styles Tranquility, leading to transformation, but lacking alignment
Grid Start with tranquility in the center. We can get here from anywhere.
Master Carl Rogers
Key concept We need suitable relationships before we can change
Application Change is possible when we are not experiencing hate or love
Coping styles Avoid conflict, avoid pampered, seek tranquility. Then transformation can occur. But alignment is vague (humanistic).
Grid Horizontal axis is relational-emotional. Love, neutral, antagonism.
Master Albert Ellis and Leon Festinger
Key concept We change when we sense a gap
Application We filter what affects us and are reluctant to change
Coping styles Leave distractions, go through tranquility and then transform. But we are simultaneously aligning with our masters expectations.
Grid Vertical axis is awareness. Distracted, neutral and motivated.
Summarize and get to the point about why there are nine.
Then explain all nine icons as memory aides.
Overview
Define helping as relational.
Show the grid.
Definition Create an environment where learning can occur
Example Abraham Lincolns Gettysburg Address
Roles Mentor demonstrates tranquility and transformation. Mentee follows.
Prerequisites Tranquility in the relationship and a gap
Conflict resolution Confronting
Sustainability Perpetual cycle until student catches up with the teacher
Definition Realize our failings and realize our conflict
Example Bill W.
Roles We need to do this alone but we can help someone else by first reducing the conflict and then demonstrating acceptance of each other as wounded.
Prerequisites Realize we are in conflict and realize we have done wrong
Conflict resolution Acceptance or endless spiral into chaos
Sustainability Chaos will devour. Penitence only needs to last long enough to return to tranquility, and then leads to transformation where we learn from our mistakes.
Definition Resolve the conflict
Example Gandhi fasting to end intra-India disputes
Roles Peacemaker using self-disclosure
Prerequisites Desire to end the conflict
Conflict resolution Forcing
Sustainability Get discouraged if we do not see results
Definition End the suffering
Example Martin Luther King, Jr.
Roles Conqueror (real meaning)
Prerequisites Desire to end the suffering
Conflict resolution Domination
Sustainability Often leads to conflict. Only peaceful means are sustainable.
Definition Wake up
Example Paul Revere, Billy Graham
Roles Prophet: ancient and now global warming
Prerequisites Accurate perception of the gap, neutral non-threatening
Conflict resolution n/a
Sustainability Usually kill the prophet
Definition Love enough to set the obligations right (links to empower)
Example Moses mother sending him down the river
Roles Love enough to love less while increasing awareness
Prerequisites Accurate perception of the gap: otherwise orphans
Conflict resolution n/a
Sustainability Difficult to let our loved ones suffer: see empower
Definition Do for self
Example Buddha could have been governor, self
and others became beggars
Gandhi taught doctors, lawyers and princes to spin yarn and make salt
King taught preachers, teachers and bus drivers to sit in restaurants
Roles Delegate and then facilitate
Prerequisites Like a mother bird teaching young to fly protect from crash
Conflict resolution Real delegation
Sustainability Democracy and Communism empowered average person but became dominated by the powerful
Definition Aligning with a master
Examples:
Real Apostle Peter
Symbolic Jeanne dArc 300+ years after her death
Patterns Bill W. twelve-step programs
Virtual Apostle Paul who only met Jesus in a vision
Roles Master and apprentice or mentoring
Prerequisites Greater knowledge and sufficient devotion
Conflict resolution Introduce team formation theory. This is the performing team. Also elaborate on Bubers concept of dialogue.
Sustainability Lifetime commitment for a few moments of alignment
Definition Bringing our self into tranquility
Example Quakers: William Penn to Richard Foster. Also Apostle Paul.
Roles Gurus and teachers can lecture and demonstrate but we do our self
Prerequisites Neutral awareness and neutral emotions
Conflict resolution Smoothing: which is bad
Sustainability Only briefly before we need to come back into the world
Make it relevant to the reader
Summarization With charts for those who learn this way
State-transition diagram with each of the illustrations
The diagram is the outline.
Make it relevant to the reader.
The diagram is the outline.
Make it relevant to the reader.
The diagram is the outline.
Make it relevant to the reader.
Gandhis and Kings followers needed ongoing discipleship.
The diagram is the outline.
Make it relevant to the reader
Liberation to alignment
Bill W program from chaos
Nar-Anon program from obligation
Business re-engineering from pampered
Religious revival into discipleship
Existential, relational and cognitivie-behavioral.
Remember this section is supposed to explain how to put the coping styles and helping methods to use. Did I succeed?